.lost.and.found.

No, I am not going to write about the television show Lost, but about something quite different. This will be long, and maybe not completely clear, as I am trying to fit a lot in here. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

When I moved to Budapest, Hungary from Subotica, Serbia (then still Yugoslavia) at the age of 18, to go to college, I thought I had a clear picture of who I was, and where I belonged. Having been raised in (the now former) Yugoslavia, which had six republics, and a bunch of different national groups living in them, the question of nationality was never one I considered when I met someone. When it came to identifying myself, I thought of myself as Yugoslavian. Many people did. Three of my grandparents were Hungarian, and one was Croat by nationality. I knew people who had two Hungarian, one Slovenian, and one Croatian grandparent. So what were they? My dad, being a journalist, traveled all over our former country, and had journalist friends everywhere: Serbs, Croats, Bosnian Muslims, Slovenes, etc. All this to say, to me, people were just people, and I was Yugoslavian and VERY PROUD (on a healthy level) to be one.

Two weeks after moving to Budapest, civil war erupted in my homeland, and I watched in horror day by day, for the next many years, as it all finally disintegrated, and as people started evaluating each other based on their national belonging. All this time, living in Hungary, speaking fluent Hungarian, (as it is my mother-tongue), people in government offices were always surprised to find out that I wasn't really Hungarian. By that they meant "not a Hungarian from Hungary". But I have also been told that I am a Serb (because that's the passport I carry).
So, without describing all the influences (bad and good, but mostly bad - in both countries) that have shaped me over the past 18 years, I must admit that about a week ago, I made a discovery. It was in the making for a long time, but I think it finally crystallized. The funniest of all, is that I made this discovery while in yet another country - Germany, visiting my aunt and cousins.

So, as you probably know - if you follow the news even a bit - the European Soccer Championship is going on. It started a few days before we left Germany, and during our time there, we started noticing people posting flags on their cars, windows, balconies. As there are many immigrants in Germany, you could see cars sporting the Greek, Italian, Spanish, Polish, Turkish, Croatian, Russian, Dutch, French and German flags. Some people put two flags of their country in their window, one on each side. Others were more diplomatic: one Greek - one German, or one Turkish, one German - thus declaring their love for their adoptive country as well. I was really touched by all this, it had been a while since I saw people proud of their countries in (to me) a cute way like that. And then I started thinking: which flag would I put on my car? Although neither Hungary nor Serbia made it to the Championship, what if they had? I soon realized that I could never put any of those flags up.
And then I remembered how I often get teary-eyed when we visit my brother, who is a missionary in Croatia, and how I cry when the Croats win in some kind of sport, and how I cry when I hear traditional Croatian folk music (Tamburice! Yeyy!), how two years ago, while vacationing on the coast of - yes, you guessed - Croatia, I made Arpi take a picture of me and the flag while we were traveling on a ferry, and how excited I was every time we saw a car with the Croatian flag in Germany. Hmmm. See a pattern? I did! Finally!
So off we went, and at the first stand that had one, we bought a Croatian flag. I do realize that I am only 25% Croat, but that is where I feel my heart belongs in the homeland way now. I rejoice the most with them, and as weird as it may sound, my husband supports, and even kind of shares my sentiment. Although a full-blooded Hungarian, he LOVES Croatia with a passion.

We are weird, I know. But I wanted to share this with you all, our readers, as it is an important discovery for me. And when is the next time we will actually GO to that beautiful country? Hopefully in August, for a short visit. I'll keep you posted.

Bence and Nina "watching" the Spain - Sweden game