.amusement.

the following letter was recently sent by tesco (called fresh and easy in america) to a customer in oxford, england. enjoy :)

dear mrs. murray,

while we thank you for your valued custom and use of the tesco loyalty card, the manager of our store in banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. 06/15 - took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. 07/22 - set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.
3. 07/07 - made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. 08/14 - moved a 'caution - wet floor' sign to a carpeted area.
   
5. 09/15 - set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a gas stove.
6. 09/23 - when the deputy manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'yhy can't you people just leave me alone?'
7. 10/04 - looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
8. 11/10 - while appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
9. 12/03 - darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the 'mission impossible' theme.
10. 12/06 - in the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'madonna look' using different size funnels.
11. 12/18 - hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'pick me! pick me!'
12. 12/21 - when an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'no! no! it's those voices again.'
13. 12/23 - went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'there is no toilet paper in here.'

you see ladies, this is further proof that it is extremely dangerous to drag us along when going shopping :)